“If you can make it through this, there is nothing you can’t do…”
My birth parent counselor, Geri Glazer, said this simple yet profoundly supportive and knowledgeable piece of advice to me during my pregnancy ten years ago—forgive me for pausing a moment here…ten years! But more than the words themselves it was her unconditional faith in these words that allowed them to plant seeds in my belly, right alongside a growing little girl soon to be known as Mesa. These seeds have since given birth to a root system of strength I have used many times and will continue to use until my last breath.
As a birthparent, at the very moment I claimed that title, I felt a sense of accomplishment, proud that my heart was big enough to be the best mom I could be, proud that I gave her the chance to fly and create her own life. And while that sense of achievement has never gone away, in order for me to continue on with my life in a healthy way I needed something to look forward to. Being in school, seeing that I had so many things that I still wanted to do with my life, cannot be underestimated in my mind in terms of the importance in regards to my healing process. The decision to place a child in an adoption is hard. There is no way of getting around that one, it’s just plain hard. As with any type of grieving situation, you need something that you can place energy in that helps you get out of bed, helps you into the shower, and back out into the world.
I would not be the person that I am if I hadn’t continued on with college after placing Mesa with her family. School gave me an opportunity to be around people my age, keeping me active and social, exposed me to new ideas, helped foster new dreams and goals, and gave me the opportunity to add to my bag of tricks, learning skills that have helped me live my life, I think, rather well. Knowing that I had goals I wanted to accomplish in my life that would make me proud and that would make Mesa proud of me kept me going towards life, and not towards a cycle of depression. To this day I want Mesa to be amazed at everything her birthmom has accomplished and at the way I view the world and live my life. Like any parent, I want to be an excellent example in so many ways.
Though I chose not to be an everyday mom, I didn’t choose for my life to stop. Instead I got the opportunity to still do ‘a,b,c’ and possibly ‘d and e’ before I choose to parent. All the things that I dreamt of doing before I had a daughter, I have been given a chance to explore. That is such such a gift. Sometimes it’s a fine line between choosing to see a gift or choosing to see a barrier, and for every birthmom, I hope you find what it is that helps get you to the point of always seeing the gift.
Always remember, there are little ones waiting to tell their friends how lucky they are that you are their birthmother.
Adoptions by Heart
4605 S. Yosemite St.
Denver CO. 80237
*Disclaimer – Photos and testimonials may be from both present and previous clients of employment of Geri Glazer and Jeanne Reisig.