I Knew in My Heart

I Knew in My Heart

I became pregnant when I was 33 years old.  At that age, most women would be ready to start a family, but at that point in my life I could not have been more unprepared.

When I became pregnant, it was quite unexpected.  While I was certainly old enough and mature enough to raise a child, my life was not the least bit stable.  I was a bar owner and definitely did not have the time to raise a child.  However, that did not mean that I wasnot excited about the prospect of being a mother.

Shortly after learning of my pregnancy, I lost my business.  I decided to deal with the emotional pain of that loss by focusing my time and attention on caring for my unborn child.  Unfortunately, as the months of my pregnancy passed, my relationship with my fiancé, Greg, grew rockier.  About a month before my due date, I learned that he was cheating on me.  It was at that time that I realized I needed to put the best interests of my unborn child, whom we had already named Austin, ahead of my own desires and find a couple who could raise him better than Greg and I could as single parents.

I began researching open adoption agencies because I knew that there was no way in the world I would be able to give Austin up for adoption unless I was somehow able to remain a part of his life in some way.  I talked to a couple of different agencies before I finally found Geri.  She, along with members of her staff, especially her birth mother advocate made me feel special and confirmed my belief that open adoption was the right thing for me and my child.  I instantly felt like I was making the right decision.

Greg and I were given many books which we reviewed together.  Each book told a story about a different couple who was seeking to adopt a child.  I was concerned that we would not know which coupleto choose to raise Austin, but we trusted that God would lead our decision.  As we read through each book, and looked at their pictures, we began separating the books into two piles.  Those couples that we believed were definitely not right for him, or us, and those that were possibilities.  Then,as we reached the middle of the fifth book, we knew we had found the right couple.  Stephanie and Kevin had already adopted one boy and were hopeful of blessing their family with another child.  They had all the qualities for which we were looking and both of us knew instantly that they were the couple God had already chosen to raise our baby.

When we contacted Geri that Friday to let them know we had made a decision, we were asked to complete all the paperwork over the weekend and deliver it to the office on Monday.  After finalizing the paperwork the agency contacted Steph and Kevinto let them know they had been chosen by a birthmother.  They met with Geri on Tuesday and we were scheduled to meet them at dinner the following evening.  Unfortunately, I went into labor on Tuesday night – two weeks prior to my expected delivery date.

Thankfully my labor moved very, very slowly.  Steph and Kevin arrived at the hospital on Wednesday evening around 6:00 pm, just when I was getting my epidural.  The four of us spent the next four hours getting acquainted.  My labor continued to move slowly, despite the doctor’s efforts to speed things up.  Having had the time to get to know Austin’s new parents better, we invited them to be in the room with us when I delivered.  They arrived at the hospital early the next morning and we continued to learn more about one another.  Then at around noon my contractions really started to gain momentum and at 12:35 pmthe world was introduced to the most beautiful, perfect, bouncing baby boy the world has ever seen.

I donot think a mother could ever begin to touch on the overwhelming feelings of love she is inundated with during the moments just after she gives birth to her child.  It is indescribable to say the least.  And yet, during those very moments, I knew in my heart that we had made the right decision for Austin.

The following weeks and months were difficult at times, but knowing that he was only 20 minutes away from me made the separation easier.  Steph and Kevin made Austin as available to us as possible so that we never felt like he was out of our lives.  We had barbecues together on a regular basis and we talked almost every day.  When Austin was 1½ years old, Kevin was transferred to another state.  That was really difficult for me.  Knowing that I couldnot visit Austin as regularly as I had been able to since his birth was extremely painful.  I missed him so much.

As the years have passed, my separation from Austin has grown easier to handle.  I have continued to visit himonce or twice a year since he moved away; each visit being around 3-4 days long.  The time I spend with him is very special and the relationship I maintain with him, Steph and Kevin as well as Austin’s older brother, Conner, is unmatched.  Steph sends me pictures of the boys regularly and Austin calls me on occasion just to say hi and tell me that he loves me.  Sometimes he even asks me to come watch him play soccer (that afternoon).  While he doesnot quite understand the concept of “I live 1000 miles away and cannot be there in time” he does understand that he is the most important person in my life and that I love him dearly.  He knows he is adopted and knows that I gave him up because of how much I loved him and how much I wanted for him to have the best upbringing he could possibly have.

I have come to truly appreciate the decision I made for Austin many years ago.  He is being raised by two wonderful parents, he has an incredible relationship with his older brother, he is an extremely happy boy and he has every opportunity available to him that I was not able to provide for him.  I know in my heart that he is exactly where God wants him to be and, if given the opportunity to go back and make a different decision, I wouldnot change a thing.


Adoptions by Heart

4605 S. Yosemite St.

Denver CO. 80237


*Disclaimer – Photos and testimonials may be from both present and previous clients of employment of Geri Glazer and Jeanne Reisig.

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